A Practical Guide To Corporate Survival


Glossary of common job posting terms and what they mean

  • Fast-paced:  They're understaffed, and the person who should be training you is the person you'd be replacing.
  • High pressure:  They know they're understaffed and aren't planning to do anything about it.
  • Team player:  You'll be blamed if you report unethical behavior.
  • Office culture (including fun social things the staff does together):  Your boss will be younger than you.
  • Exciting:  Nobody applied the first time the job was posted.
  • Free snacks:  You'll be expected to work unpaid overtime and may not have time for breaks.
  • Work/life balance:  Your boss will harass you to take time off and for being behind on your work, sometimes in the same email.
  • Like a family:  The kind of family where the dad hits on his daughter's friends.
  • Must work well independently and as part of a team:  Your potential boss doesn't know what the job actually is and is just trying to fill space to hide that fact.
  • Fluent in English:  White.
  • Go-getter:  Male.
  • Demonstrate the Company's Core Values:  They've been sued for violating employment law.
  • Committed to sustainability:  There's a bike rack next to where the owner parks his Range Rover.
  • Ability to prioritize:  Part of your job won't really matter. Which part? The answer may surprise you.
  • Dog friendly: The owner has a dog and the company has no HR policies.
Ryan Guenther